Is recovered life better than ED life?
An attempt to give inspiration and hope to those struggling.
I recently asked a client this question "What do you struggle with the most on this recovery journey?" The response was immediate. "How is recovered life better than shitty ED life. I'm just struggling to know how it could be better."
Even though people with eating disorders refer to the 'ED life' as being horrible and..well 'shitty', it still has a very strong hold on their actions and mind set. NO ONE chooses this illness, I can promise you that, but the thought of getting across the line to the other side is incomprehensible, impossible, and scary AF.
I want to take this time to write my thoughts down in an attempt for you to see what your life could be like. It won't happen over night, nor will it be easy to get to this mindset. I KNOW this. I'm also a dietitian who has dedicated my time and energy into working with those struggling. Why? Because i've lived a bloody good life so far (with pain, heartache, struggles, and stress-but who hasn't) and I want people to experience what I had the opportunity to experience- but with your own passions and day dreams in mind. I believe you should be able to sit back with a cuppa or a bevy any day of the week and smile to yourself when you think back at all you've achieved, and experienced. Everyone's story is different, interesting and BEAUTIFUL. If you can't do that at this stage of your life. That's okay. It's NEVER too late to work towards that point.
So what does living and thriving on the other side look like? Imagine waking up and looking forward to breakfast. Looking forward to enjoying the taste, texture and feeling of fullness come over you. Imagine being excited to go on a date, or brunch with family, or catch ups with friends at a cafe or your favourite restaurant- even better a NEW restaurant. You don't feel the need to look up the menu to calm your anxiety, or feel guilty that you are going to splurge on a potentially higher caloric meal. The idea of trying new foods or a cappuccino makes you so happy (because its the small things in life that bring the greatest pleasure). Imagine being 'present' for conversations and interested in what your best friend has to say because you aren't secretly feeling paranoid that she/he is judging the shit out of you. Imagine feeling the anticipation of summer, in a good way though. The images that come to your mind are pool parties, drinks, and unicorn flotation devices that we all know and love. Imagine laughing, and singing all day long to your favourite songs while trotting around in a bathing suit- and not in a pretend kind of way.
Now think about all the Christmas's, birthdays, Thanksgivings for you North Americans, weddings, Uni or work functions. These occasions are actually really exciting and bring you so much joy and excitement. Having difficulty imagine that one? Yes. It's possible. Year after year. Imagine being comfortable in your body. Yess. Now this one is bound to bring up some emotions. I'll be honest, You will never ALWAYS love your body every single minute of every day, and if someone tells you that's possible, they are lying. We are human beings. We will have weaknesses, insecurities, and WON'T particularly enjoy looking at our bodies some days. That's also okay. Really. It's okay.
Now for the boys and girls graduating high school this year. If i've said it 100 times i'll say it 100 more, you are about to embark on THE time of your life. Youth is not a right. It's a privilege. It's a privilege that is taken from you in a blink of an eye. I want you to soak in this time of your life, because this is when you find yourself. You have these years to make mistakes, party too hard, play sports, (young muscles, strong bones and undamaged joints-praise!) love with all your heart, travel, find your passion, and explore what this world is all about free from rules and restriction. These moments along the way are completely overshadowed when you are living with an ED or disordered eating.
My wish for you is to live the glorious life you were given. To dance with everyone watching, to wake up ambitious to follow your heart. If you still are not convinced, let me ask you "What do you have to lose in attempting the recovered life? You know what your current life is about. What if there could be something far, far greater? Perspective, my darling, is a powerful thing.